심쿵심쿵~

So sudden, there was a message from you, it was sooooo rare~ haha
But, not much chit chat, there.
As always you did.

Literally, you just send me a copied link from FB, though.
Yes.
Just it.
At all.

Hmm~
Actually, i never expected to get a message from you beginning with you are saying hello to me or starting with you are calling by my name .
And even more, i never expected to receive a message from you.

That is why a very simple message from you were valued more than anything in this world, lol.
As i said before, receiving a message from you was really really a big surprise that might has an opportunity less than 10 percent to happen 😂

That link itself contains an announcement about doctoral degree's scholarship. Since i didn't interested that much, i just replied you with one sentence containing one word, gratitude expression.
However, i said it in Korean, truthfully, in a cute way that solely expressed my joy from receiving a text from you.

It felt soooo good for being supported by one of my collague.
I thought, "aaahh, what a really nice kind hearted guy!".
However, right after that, I just stop myself to imagine something that no need to be imagined about.

Whether it is called lucky or not,
I met you in a meeting and the commonly thing happened, you sat next to me.
Before the meeting was started, you asked me about that scholarship, and we had a little conversation.

~Meeting~

After the meeting, you encouraged me to try that scholarship in a warm soft way.
And i was so touched by that, right after i saw your gaze.
Really a heartwarming encouragement.

I am so crazyyyy.
Then i realized, i shouldn't let my self, my heart, get trapped in this feelings (again)~~
But it keeps bothering me~~

~The next day~

I still woke up in remembering your name.
Went to the workshop venue, in a parking lot, and i looked for your vehicle.

~Lunch time~

You got up from your seat, walking towards me then ask me for having lunch, and once again in a soft tone.
And i really can't stand for it 😔

~the workshop finished~

I ran to my senior lecturer offering my best to help him.
In the middle of conversation, we got distracted by tax-thing.
Since this was my very first time having that tax-thing, i asked my senior lecturer that thing.

Still didn't get it.
Suddenly, you came behind me, from a different table then sat next to me.
Asked me nicely.
I showed the apps in my phone to you.
And once again, so sudden, you touch my right hand that was holding my phone. It felt so natural, really a natural movement, though 😂

Literally, you held my hand, didn't you?

Was it really a necessary?

My heart beat fast.

심장이 쿵쾅 쿵쾅!

But i have to act normal, pretending everything was fine.
And to be honest, it was hard to hide the feeling i got from the shock.
Hard to didn't show you that i surprised, got blushed, my heartbeat raced faster, and pounding harder.
완전 심쿵~
*even i still blushed remembering those thing while writing this 😂

Hey, you!
Why do you always do everything in an unexpected way?
Why?

심쿵 심쿵~
심장이 쿵쾅~
완전 심쿵~~

왜 이래?

It's funny how can you are the one who was angry.
How much i think, that should be me 😌
*because of something that happened before*

At a first, i think that, "aaaahh, cause you're the youngest, i can be your friend, can-not so called formally-talk to you, comfortably have a conversation with you"

How stupid am i!
I even have a thought that i can have a joke around you.
Gomen.

You are the one who always trying to reach my hands first.
Then, hold my hands a little bit longer compare to the others.
With a curved line on your face.
Smile.
Almost all the time, with a little bit sweet conversation.

However, that morning!
그냥~ 왜 이래???
오빠 😭
내 마음이 아팠다, 조금 😢

Aaahh, why i should meet you that morning in the parking park, kezeeell 😒

- While writing this. Just why? So sudden, my mom asks about you!!! -

Back to the line.
He didn't try to reach my hands like he did as always.
But he did to the others who came together with me.

Baper!

I had to be angry that time, but i was sad instead 😭
Something hurt inside.

Aahh, whatsoever~~

But still, He is a man with the manner, the polite one.
Opening the door, hold the door, doing everything what the manner man does.

I never thought that all my questions, all my texts, with kind of "friendly" feels make him feel disturbed.

Trying to be positive.
Maybe he is toooooo busy with all his works, so, i am kind of an annoying girl in his eyes,
who knows nothing.
And something that i know for sure is ask him whatever and whenever it is.
And He found it really annoys him.

Gomen.
🙏😢

For my mental health, i keep the positive vibe, and stay a way from the negativity.
I am positively thinking that he really had so much work to be done.

Lunch time.
Aaaand, this is funny, haha
He was really in a hunger.
Seeing he ate makes me really full.
Therefore, i just think that all of his bad mood is caused by his hunger, haha
Peace ✌

It gradually dissappears, that gloomy vibes in his face.
Such a relief.
And it becomes "smoother" when we say good bye.
아아아아아아악 진짜 진짜 what a relieeeff!!!

The next day.
raining so hard.

I come to the campus, then park my motorcycle in a different area that i used to be.
There is something that running in my mind, suddenly, hahahaha. 😂🙈

I am ashamed to admit this 🙈🙈🙈
If he were really the one, i'll met him on my way to my room,
-cause i used a different pathway which have a high chance to meet him, wkkkkkkkk-

Hahaha, and i didn't meet him 😁
Aaahh, embarrassing 🙈

Buuuuutt, you know what?
In no time, He come to my room, knock my door.
Is it still counted? Hahahaha.

And he came with a smile, talk to me, and we have a little conversation for a while.
I don't know why i was just soooo happy that time.
Really thanks god it's Friday 🙏

And what will happen next, i"ll never know.

I just believe and trust in Allah.

Fighting.

Bismillah, lancar, barokah for everything.

Aamiiin ❤

엄마 ❤

23rd of January 2017,

For the very first time i spoke to my mom what i really wanna do next, bravely.
I knew it's so hard for you to know, understand then finally accept it Mom.
But don't you know Mom? it was even harder for me to say it without make you hurt or worry about me by my words.

There's no much, not, there's nothing that i could do or give to you.
Thanks Mom for give me a birth, i really thanks to Allah for this.
Thank you so much for all you have done, your sacrifices, how could i repay it?
I am so sorry for always make you worry, sad and always give you a hard time.
For not being a good daughter, i do sorry for it too, Mom.

I love you mom since i opened my eyes, even i love you right after Allah gave me a life when i still in your warm womb.

Bismillah, everything will be easier by now. Ridhoi setiap langkahku Buuk 😚😚😚
May Allah always bless you Buukk, aamiinn 😚😚😚🙏

Secret in the paper plane

▪ I think it's not gonna work for a girl to make a move first.

° I'm not going to make a move or anything,
I just want to...
I just want to keep admiring him secretly like this.

▪ One-sided love?
Are you nuts?
Is there such a person, who is only happy with that and never wants to be loved back?

° That's me.